little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第49章

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pretence　of　recreation　and　enjoyment。　He　asked　where　the　suppositious
party　was？　At　a　place　where　she　worked；　answered　Little　Dorrit；
blushing。　She　had　said　very　little　about　it；　only　a　few　words　to
make　her　father　easy。　Her　father　did　not　believe　it　to　be　a　grand
party……indeed　he　might　suppose　that。　And　she　glanced　for　an　instant　at
the　shawl　she　wore。

'It　is　the　first　night；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'that　I　have　ever　been　away
from　home。　And　London　looks　so　large；　so　barren；　and　so　wild。'　In　Little
Dorrit's　eyes；　its　vastness　under　the　black　sky　was　awful；　a　tremor
passed　over　her　as　she　said　the　words。

'But　this　is　not；'　she　added；　with　the　quiet　effort　again；　'what　I　have
e　to　trouble　you　with；　sir。　My　sister's　having　found　a　friend；　a　lady
she　has　told　me　of　and　made　me　rather　anxious　about；　was　the　first　cause
of　my　ing　away　from　home。　And　being　away；　and　ing　（on　purpose）
round　by　where　you　lived　and　seeing　a　light　in　the　window……'

Not　for　the　first　time。　No；　not　for　the　first　time。　In　Little　Dorrit's
eyes；　the　outside　of　that　window　had　been　a　distant　star　on　other　nights
than　this。　She　had　toiled　out　of　her　way；　tired　and　troubled；　to　look　up
at　it；　and　wonder　about　the　grave；　brown　gentleman　from　so　far　off；　who
had　spoken　to　her　as　a　friend　and　protector。

'There　were　three　things；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'that　I　thought　I　would
like　to　say；　if　you　were　alone　and　I　might　e　up…stairs。　First；　what　I
have　tried　to　say；　but　never　can……never　shall……'

'Hush；　hush！　That　is　done　with；　and　disposed　of。　Let　us　pass　to　the
second；'　said　Clennam；　smiling　her　agitation　away；　making　the　blaze
shine　upon　her；　and　putting　wine　and　cake　and　fruit　towards　her　on　the
table。

'I　think；'　said　Little　Dorrit……'this　is　the　second　thing；　sir……I　think
Mrs　Clennam　must　have　found　out　my　secret；　and　must　know　where　I　e
from　and　where　I　go　to。　Where　I　live；　I　mean。'

'Indeed！'　returned　Clennam　quickly。　He　asked　her；　after　short
consideration；　why　she　supposed　so。

'I　think；'　replied　Little　Dorrit；　'that　Mr　Flintwinch　must　have　watched
me。'

And　why；　Clennam　asked；　as　he　turned　his　eyes　upon　the　fire；　bent　his
brows；　and　considered　again；　why　did　she　suppose　that？

'I　have　met　him　twice。　Both　times　near　home。　Both　times　at　night；　when
I　was　going　back。　Both　times　I　thought　（though　that　may　easily　be　my
mistake）；　that　he　hardly　looked　as　if　he　had　met　me　by　accident。'　'Did
he　say　anything？'

'No；　he　only　nodded　and　put　his　head　on　one　side。'

'The　devil　take　his　head！'　mused　Clennam；　still　looking　at　the　fire；
'it's　always　on　one　side。'　He　roused　himself　to　persuade　her　to　put　some
wine　to　her　lips；　and　to　touch　something　to　eat……it　was　very　difficult；
she　was　so　timid　and　shy……and　then　said；　musing　again：　'Is　my　mother　at
all　changed　to　you？'

'Oh；　not　at　all。　She　is　just　the　same。　I　wondered　whether　I　had　better
tell　her　my　history。　I　wondered　whether　I　might……I　mean；　whether　you
would　like　me　to　tell　her。　I　wondered；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　looking　at
him　in　a　suppliant　way；　and　gradually　withdrawing　her　eyes　as　he　looked
at　her；　'whether　you　would　advise　me　what　I　ought　to　do。'

'Little　Dorrit；'　said　Clennam；　and　the　phrase　had　already　begun；　between
these　two；　to　stand　for　a　hundred　gentle　phrases；　according　to　the
varying　tone　and　connection　in　which　it　was　used；　'do　nothing。　I　will
have　some　talk　with　my　old　friend；　Mrs　Affery。　Do　nothing；　Little
Dorrit……except　refresh　yourself　with　such　means　as　there　are　here。　I
entreat　you　to　do　that。'

'Thank　you；　I　am　not　hungry。　Nor；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　as　he　softly
put　her　glass　towards　her；　'nor　thirsty。……I　think　Maggy　might　like
something；　perhaps。'

'We　will　make　her　find　pockets　presently　for　all　there　is　here；'　said
Clennam：　'but　before　we　awake　her；　there　was　a　third　thing　to　say。'

'Yes。　You　will　not　be　offended；　sir？'

'I　promise　that；　unreservedly。'

'It　will　sound　strange。　I　hardly　know　how　to　say　it。　Don't　think　it
unreasonable　or　ungrateful　in　me；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　with　returning
and　increasing　agitation。

'No；　no；　no。　I　am　sure　it　will　be　natural　and　right。　I　am　not　afraid
that　I　shall　put　a　wrong　construction　on　it；　whatever　it　is。'

'Thank　you。　You　are　ing　back　to　see　my　father　again？'

'Yes。'

'You　have　been　so　good　and　thoughtful　as　to　write　him　a　note；　saying
that　you　are　ing　to…morrow？'

'Oh；　that　was　nothing！　Yes。'

'Can　you　guess；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　folding　her　small　hands　tight　in
one　another；　and　looking　at　him　with　all　the　earnestness　of　her　soul
looking　steadily　out　of　her　eyes；　'what　I　am　going　to　ask　you　not　to
do？'

'I　think　I　can。　But　I　may　be　wrong。'　'No；　you　are　not　wrong；'　said
Little　Dorrit；　shaking　her　head。　'If　we　should　want　it　so　very；　very
badly　that　we　cannot　do　without　it；　let　me　ask　you　for　it。'

'I　Will；……I　Will。'

'Don't　encourage　him　to　ask。　Don't　understand　him　if　he　does　ask。　Don't
give　it　to　him。　Save　him　and　spare　him　that；　and　you　will　be　able　to
think　better　of　him！'

Clennam　said……not　very　plainly；　seeing　those　tears　glistening　in　her
anxious　eyes……that　her　wish　should　be　sacred　with　him。

'You　don't　know　what　he　is；'　she　said；　'you　don't　know　what　he　really
is。　How　can　you；　seeing　him　there　all　at　once；　dear　love；　and　not
gradually；　as　I　have　done！　You　have　been　so　good　to　us；　so　delicately
and　truly　good；　that　I　want　him　to　be　better　in　your　eyes　than　in
anybody's。　And　I　cannot　bear　to　think；'　cried　Little　Dorrit；　covering
her　tears　with　her　hands；　'I　cannot　bear　to　think　that　you　of　all　the
world　should　see　him　in　his　only　moments　of　degradation。'

'Pray；'　said　Clennam；　'do　not　be　so　distressed。　Pray；　pray；　Little
Dorrit！　This　is　quite　understood　now。'

'Thank　you；　sir。　Thank　you！　I　have　tried　very　much　to　keep　myself　from
saying　this；　I　have　thought　about　it；　days　and　nights；　but　when　I　knew
for　certain　you　were　ing　again；　I　made　up　my　mind　to　speak　to　you。
Not　because　I　am　ashamed　of　him；'　she　dried　her　tears　quickly；　'but
because　I　know　him　better　than　any　one　does；　and　love　him；　and　am　proud
of　him。'

Relieved　of　this　weight；　Little　Dorrit　was　nervously　anxious　to　be　gone。
Maggy　being　broad　awake；　and　in　the　act　of　distantly　gloating　over　the
fruit　and　cakes　with　chuckles　of　anticipation；　Clennam　made　the　best
diversion　in　his　power　by　pouring　her　out　a　glass　of　wine；　which　she
drank　in　a　series　of　loud　smacks；　putting　her　hand　upon　her　windpipe
after　every　one；　and　saying；　breathless；　with　her　eyes　in　a　prominent
state；　'Oh；　ain't　it　d'licious！　Ain't　it　hospitally！'　When　she　had
finished　the　wine　and　these　eniums；　he　charged　her　to　load　her　basket
（she　was　never　without　her　basket）　with　every　eatable　thing　upon　the
table；　and　to　take　especial　care　to　leave　no　scrap　behind。　Maggy's
pleasure　in　doing　this　and　her　little　mother's　pleasure　in　seeing　Maggy
pleased；　was　as　good　a　turn　as　circumstances　could　have　given　to　the
late　conversation。

'But　the　gates　will　have　been　locked　long　ago；'　said　Clennam；　suddenly
remembering　it。　'Where　are　you　going？'

'I　am　going　to　Maggy's　lodging；'　answered　Little　Dorrit。　'I　shall　be
quite　safe；　quite　well　taken　care　of。'

'I　must　acpany　you　there；'　said　Clennam；　'I　cannot　let　you　go　alone。'

'Yes；　pray　leave　us　to　go　there　by　ourselves。　Pray　do！'　begged　Little
Dorrit。

She　was　so　earnest　in　the　petition；　that　Clennam　felt　a　delicacy　in
obtruding　himself　upon　her：　the　rather；　because　he　could　well　understand
that　Maggy's　lodging　was　of　the　obscurest　sort。　'e；　Maggy；'　said
Little　Dorrit　cheerily；　'we　shall　do　very　well；　we　know　the　way　by　this
time；　Maggy？'

'Yes；　yes；　little　mother；　we　know　the　way；'　chuckled　Maggy。　And　away
they　went。　Little　Dorrit　turned　at　the　door　to　say；　'God　bless　you！'　She
said　it　very　softly；　but　perhaps　she　may　have　been　as　audible　above……who
knows！……as　a　whole　cathedral　choir。

Arthur　Clennam　suffered　them　to　pass　the　corner　of　the　street　before　he
followed　at　a　distance；　not　with　any　idea　of　encroaching　a　second　time
on　Little　Dorrit's　privacy；　but　to　satisfy　his　mind　by　seeing　her　secure
in　the　neighbourhood　to　which　she　was　accustomed。　So　diminutive　she
looked；　so　fragile　and　defenceless　against　the　bleak　damp　weather