little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第204章

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got　there；……the　first　change　of　feeling　which　the　prison　most　monly
induced；　and　from　which　dangerous　resting…place　so　many　men　had　slipped
down　to　the　depths　of　degradation　and　disgrace　by　so　many　ways；……he
could　think　of　some　passages　in　his　life；　almost　as　if　he　were　removed
from　them　into　another　state　of　existence。　Taking　into　account　where　he
was；　the　interest　that　had　first　brought　him　there　when　he　had　been　free
to　keep　away；　and　the　gentle　presence　that　was　equally　inseparable　from
the　walls　and　bars　about　him　and　from　the　impalpable　remembrances　of　his
later　life　which　no　walls　or　bars　could　imprison；　it　was　not　remarkable
that　everything　his　memory　turned　upon　should　bring　him　round　again　to
Little　Dorrit。　Yet　it　was　remarkable　to　him；　not　because　of　the　fact
itself；　but　because　of　the　reminder　it　brought　with　it；　how　much　the
dear　little　creature　had　influenced　his　better　resolutions。

None　of　us　clearly　know　to　whom　or　to　what　we　are　indebted　in　this　wise；
until　some　marked　stop　in　the　whirling　wheel　of　life　brings　the　right
perception　with　it。　It　es　with　sickness；　it　es　with　sorrow；　it
es　with　the　loss　of　the　dearly　loved；　it　is　one　of　the　most　frequent
uses　of　adversity。　It　came　to　Clennam　in　his　adversity；　strongly　and
tenderly。　'When　I　first　gathered　myself　together；'　he　thought；　'and
set　something　like　purpose　before　my　jaded　eyes；　whom　had　I　before　me；
toiling　on；　for　a　good　object's　sake；　without　encouragement；　without
notice；　against　ignoble　obstacles　that　would　have　turned　an　army　of
received　heroes　and　heroines？　One　weak　girl！　When　I　tried　to　conquer
my　misplaced　love；　and　to　be　generous　to　the　man　who　was　more　fortunate
than　I；　though　he　should　never　know　it　or　repay　me　with　a　gracious　word；
in　whom　had　I　watched　patience；　self…denial；　self…subdual；　charitable
construction；　the　noblest　generosity　of　the　affections？　In　the　same　poor
girl！　If　I；　a　man；　with　a　man's　advantages　and　means　and　energies；　had
slighted　the　whisper　in　my　heart；　that　if　my　father　had　erred；　it　was　my
first　duty　to　conceal　the　fault　and　to　repair　it；　what　youthful　figure
with　tender　feet　going　almost　bare　on　the　damp　ground；　with　spare　hands
ever　working；　with　its　slight　shape　but　half　protected　from　the
sharp　weather；　would　have　stood　before　me　to　put　me　to　shame？　Little
Dorrit's。'　So　always　as　he　sat　alone　in　the　faded　chair；　thinking。
Always；　Little　Dorrit。　Until　it　seemed　to　him　as　if　he　met　the　reward　of
having　wandered　away　from　her；　and　suffered　anything　to　pass　between　him
and　his　remembrance　of　her　virtues。

His　door　was　opened；　and　the　head　of　the　elder　Chivery　was　put　in　a　very
little　way；　without　being　turned　towards　him。

'I　am　off　the　Lock；　Mr　Clennam；　and　going　out。　Can　I　do　anything　for
you？'

'Many　thanks。　Nothing。'

'You'll　excuse　me　opening　the　door；'　said　Mr　Chivery；　'but　I　couldn't
make　you　hear。'

'Did　you　knock？'　'Half…a…dozen　times。'

Rousing　himself；　Clennam　observed　that　the　prison　had　awakened　from　its
noontide　doze；　that　the　inmates　were　loitering　about　the　shady　yard；　and
that　it　was　late　in　the　afternoon。　He　had　been　thinking　for　hours。　'Your
things　is　e；'　said　Mr　Chivery；　'and　my　son　is　going　to　carry　'em
up。　I　should　have　sent　'em　up　but　for　his　wishing　to　carry　'em　himself。
Indeed　he　would　have　'em　himself；　and　so　I　couldn't　send　'em　up。　Mr
Clennam；　could　I　say　a　word　to　you？'

'Pray　e　in；'　said　Arthur；　for　Mr　Chivery's　head　was　still　put　in　at
the　door　a　very　little　way；　and　Mr　Chivery　had　but　one　ear　upon　him；
instead　of　both　eyes。　This　was　native　delicacy　in　Mr　Chivery……true
politeness；　though　his　exterior　had　very　much　of　a　turnkey　about　it；　and
not　the　least　of　a　gentleman。

'Thank　you；　sir；'　said　Mr　Chivery；　without　advancing；　'it's　no　odds　me
ing　in。　Mr　Clennam；　don't　you　take　no　notice　of　my　son　（if　you'll
be　so　good）　in　case　you　find　him　cut　up　anyways　difficult。　My　son　has　a
'art；　and　my　son's　'art　is　in　the　right　place。　Me　and　his　mother　knows
where　to　find　it；　and　we　find　it　sitiwated　correct。'

With　this　mysterious　speech；　Mr　Chivery　took　his　ear　away　and　shut　the
door。　He　might　have　been　gone　ten　minutes；　when　his　son　succeeded　him。

'Here's　your　portmanteau；'　he　said　to　Arthur；　putting　it　carefully　down。

'It's　very　kind　of　you。　I　am　ashamed　that　you　should　have　the　trouble。'

He　was　gone　before　it　came　to　that；　but　soon　returned；　saying　exactly　as
before；　'Here's　your　black　box：'　which　he　also　put　down　with　care。

'I　am　very　sensible　of　this　attention。　I　hope　we　may　shake　hands　now；　Mr
John。'

Young　John；　however；　drew　back；　turning　his　right　wrist　in　a　socket　made
of　his　left　thumb　and　middle…finger　and　said　as　he　had　said　at　first；
'I　don't　know　as　I　can。　No；　I　find　I　can't！'　He　then　stood　regarding　the
prisoner　sternly；　though　with　a　swelling　humour　in　his　eyes　that　looked
like　pity。

'Why　are　you　angry　with　me；'　said　Clennam；　'and　yet　so　ready　to　do　me
these　kind　services？　There　must　be　some　mistake　between　us。　If　I　have
done　anything　to　occasion　it　I　am　sorry。'

'No　mistake；　sir；'　returned　John；　turning　the　wrist　backwards　and
forwards　in　the　socket；　for　which　it　was　rather　tight。　'No　mistake；　sir；
in　the　feelings　with　which　my　eyes　behold　you　at　the　present　moment！　If
I　r　Clennam……which　I　am　not；
and　if　you　weren't　under　a　cloud……which　you　are；　and　if　it　wasn't
against　all　rules　of　the　Marshalsea……which　it　is；　those　feelings　are
such；　that　they　would　stimulate　me；　more　to　having　it　out　with　you　in
a　Round　on　the　present　spot　than　to　anything　else　I　could　name。'　Arthur
looked　at　him　for　a　moment　in　some　wonder；　and　some　little　anger。　'Well；
well！'　he　said。　'A　mistake；　a　mistake！'　Turning　away；　he　sat　down　with　a
heavy　sigh　in　the　faded　chair　again。

Young　John　followed　him　with　his　eyes；　and；　after　a　short　pause；　cried
out；　'I　beg　your　pardon！'

'Freely　granted；'　said　Clennam；　waving　his　hand　without　raising　his
sunken　head。　'Say　no　more。　I　am　not　worth　it。'

'This　furniture；　sir；'　said　Young　John　in　a　voice　of　mild　and　soft
explanation；　'belongs　to　me。　I　am　in　the　habit　of　letting　it　out　to
parties　without　furniture；　that　have　the　room。　It　an't　much；　but　it's　at
your　service。　Free；　I　mean。　I　could　not　think　of　letting　you　have　it　on
any　other　terms。　You're　wele　to　it　for　nothing。'

Arthur　raised　his　head　again　to　thank　him；　and　to　say　he　could
not　accept　the　favour。　John　was　still　turning　his　wrist；　and　still
contending　with　himself　in　his　former　divided　manner。


'What　is　the　matter　between　us？'　said　Arthur。

'I　decline　to　name　it；　sir；'　returned　Young　John；　suddenly　turning　loud
and　sharp。　'Nothing's　the　matter。'

Arthur　looked　at　him　again；　in　vain；　for　an　explanation　of　his
behaviour。　After　a　while；　Arthur　turned　away　his　head　again。　Young　John
said；　presently　afterwards；　with　the　utmost　mildness：

'The　little　round　table；　sir；　that's　nigh　your　elbow；　was……you　know
whose……I　needn't　mention　him……he　died　a　great　gentleman。　I　bought　it　of
an　individual　that　he　gave　it　to；　and　that　lived　here　after　him。　But　the
individual　ost　individuals　would　find　it
hard　to　e　up　to　his　level。'

Arthur　drew　the　little　table　nearer；　rested　his　arm　upon　it；　and　kept　it
there。

'Perhaps　you　may　not　be　aware；　sir；'　said　Young　John；　'that　I　intruded
upon　him　when　he　was　over　here　in　London。　On　the　whole　he　was　of　opinion
that　it　WAS　an　intrusion；　though　he　was　so　good　as　to　ask　me　to　sit
down　and　to　inquire　after　father　and　all　other　old　friends。　Leastways
humblest　acquaintances。　He　looked；　to　me；　a　good　deal　changed；　and　I
said　so　when　I　came　back。　I　asked　him　if　Miss　Amy　was　well……'

'And　she　was？'

'I　should　have　thought　you　would　have　known　without　putting　the　question
to　such　as　me；'　returned　Young　John；　after　appearing　to　take　a　large
invisible　pill。　'Since　you　do　put　me　the　question；　I　am　sorry　I　can't
answer　it。　But　the　truth　is；　he　looked　upon　the　inquiry　as　a　liberty；
and　said；　〃What　was　that　to　me？〃　It　was　then　I　became　quite　aware　I　was
intruding：　of　which　I　had　been　fearful　before。　However；　he　spoke　very
handsome　afterwards；　very　handsome。'

They　were　both　silent　for　several　minutes：　except　that　Young　John
remarked；　at　about　the　middle