高行健文集-第16章

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tsbrilliantgoldreflectionsontotheentirebendoftheriver：thedarkblueofthewaterfusingwiththedazzlingsunlightthrobsandpulsates。Asthereddiscseatsitselfinthevalleyitbeesserene；awesomelybeautiful；andtherearesounds。Youhearsounds；elusive；distinctlyreverberatingfromdeepinyourheartandradiatingoutwardsuntilthesunseemstopropitselfuponitstoes；stumble；thensinkintotheblackshadowsofthemountains；scatteringglowingcoloursthroughoutthesky。Aneveningwindblowsnoisilybyyourearsandcarsdrivepast；asusualsoundingtheirdeafeninghorns。Youcrossthebridgeandseethereanewstonewithengravedcharacterspaintedinred：〃YongningBridge。BuiltinthethirdyearoftheKaiyuanreignperiodoftheSongDynastyandrepairedin1962。Thisstonewaslaidin1983。〃Itnodoubtmarksthebeginningofthetouristindustryhere。

Twofoodstallsstandattheendofthebridge。Intheoneontheleftyoueatabowlofbeancurd；thesmoothandtastykindwithalltherightingredients。Hawkersusedtosellitinthestreetsandlanes；itpletelydisappearedsometimeagobuthasnowrevivedasfamilyenterprises。Inthestallontherightyoueattwodelicioussesame…coatedshallotpancakes；straightoffthestoveandpiping…hot。Thenatoneofthestalls；youcan’trememberwhichone；youeatabowlofsweetyuanxiaodumplingsbroiledinricewine：theyarethesizeoflargepearls。Ofcourse；you’renotasacademicaboutfoodasMrMatheSecondwhotouredWestLakebutyoudohaveaheftyappetite。Yousavourthisfoodofyourancestorsandlistentocustomerschattingwiththeproprietors。They’remostlylocalsandallknowoneanother。Youtryusingthemellifluouslocalaccenttobefriendly；youwanttobeoneofthem。You’velivedinthecityforalongtimeandneedtofeelthatyouhaveahometown。Youwantahometownsothatyou’llbeablereturntoyourchildhoodtorecollectlonglostmemories。

Onthissideofthebridgeyoueventuallyfindaninnonanoldcobblestonestreet。Thewoodenfloorshavebeenmoppedandit’scleanenough。Yougetasmallsingleroomwhichhasaplankbedwithabamboomatonit。Thecottonblanketisasuspiciousgrey；eitherithasn’tbeenwashedproperlyorthat’stheoriginalcolour。Youthrowasidethegreasypillowfromunderthebamboomatandluckilyit’shotsoyoucandowithoutthebedding。Whatyouneedrightnowistooff…loadyourluggagewhichhasbeequiteheavy；washoffthedustandsweat；strip；andstretchyourselfoutonthebed。There’sshoutingandyellingnextdoor。They’regamblingandyoucanhearthempickingupandthrowingdownthecards。Atimberpartitionseparatesyouand；throughtheholespokedintothepapercoveringthecracks；youmakeouttheblurredfiguresofsomebare…chestedmen。You’renotsotiredthatyoucandropofftosleepjustlikethat。Youtaponthewallandinstantlythere’sloudshoutingnextdoor。They’renotshoutingatyoubutamongstthemselves：therearealwayswinnersandlosersandtheloseristryingtogetoutofpaying。They’reopenlygamblingintheinndespitethePublicSecurityOfficenoticeonthewallprohibitinggamblingandprostitution：youdecidetocheckwhetherthelawhasanyeffect。Youputonsomeclothes；godownthecorridorandknockonthehalf…closeddoor。Yourknockingmakesnodifference；theykeepshoutingandyellinginsideandnobodytakesnotice。Soyoupushopenthedoorandgoin。Thefourmensittingaroundthebedinthemiddleoftheroomallturntolookatyou。Butit’syouandnottheywhogetsarudeshock。Themenallhavebitsofpaperstuckontheirfaces；ontheforehead；lips；noseandcheeks；andtheylookuglyandridiculous。Theyaren’tlaughingandareglaringatyou。You’vebuttedinandthey’reclearlyannoyed。

〃Oh；you’replayingcards；〃yousay；puttingonanapologeticlook。

Theygoonwiththeirgame。Thelongpapercardshaveredandblackmarkingslikemahjong；there’saGateofHeavenandaPrisonofHell。Thewinnerpenalizestheloserbytearingoffastripofnewspaperandstickingitonadesignatedspot。Whetherthisisaprank；awayoflettingoffsteam；oratally；isagreeduponbythegamblersandthereisnowayforoutsiderstoknowwhatit’sallabout。

Youbeataretreat；gobacktoyourroom；liedownagain；andseeathickmassofblackspecksaroundthelightglobe。Millionsofmosquitoesarewaitingforthelighttogooutsothattheycanedowntofeastonyourblood。Youquicklyletdownthemosquitoandareenclosedinanarrowconicalspace；atthetopofwhichisabamboohoop。It’sbeenalongtimesinceyou’vesleptunderahooplikethis；andyou’velongsincepassedtheageofbeingabletostareatthehooptoloseyourselfinreverie。Today；youcan’tknowwhattraumastomorrowwillbring。You’velearntthroughexperienceeverythingyouneedtoknow。Whatelseareyoulookingfor？Whenamangetstomiddleageshouldn’thebelookingforapeacefulandstableexistence；findanot…too…demandingsortofajob；stayinamediocreposition；beeahusbandandafather；setupafortablehome；putmoneyinthebankandaddtoiteverymonthsothere’llbesomethingforoldageandalittleleftoverforthenextgeneration？

ChapterTwo

ItisintheQiangregionhalfwayupQionglaiMountain；intheborderareasoftheQinghai…TibetanhighlandsandtheSichuanbasin；thatIwitnessavestigeofearlyhumancivilization；theworshipoffire。Fire；thebringerofcivilization；hasbeenworshippedbytheearlyancestorsofhumansbeingseverywhere。Itissacred。Heissittinginfrontofthefiredrinkingliquorfromabowl。Beforeeachsipheputsafingerintoitandflickssomeonthecharcoalswhichsplutternoisilyandsendoutbluesparks。ItisonlythenthatIperceivethatItooamreal。

〃That’sfortheGodoftheCookingStove；it’sthankstohimthatwecaneatanddrink；〃hesays。

Thedancinglightofthefireshinesonhisthincheeks；thehighbridgeofhisnose；andhischeekbones。HetellsmeheisoftheQiangnationalityandthathe’sfromGengdavillagedownthemountain。Ican’taskstraightoutaboutdemonsandspirits；soItellhimI’mheretodosomeresearchonthefolk…songsofthemountain。Dotraditionalsongmastersanddancersstillexisthere？Hesayshe’soneofthem。Themenandwomenallusedtoformacirclearoundthefireanddancerightthroughtodaybreak；butlateronitwasbanned。

〃Why？〃IknowquitewellbutIask。I’mbeingdishonestagain。

〃ItwastheCulturalRevolution。TheysaidthesongsweredirtysowechangedtosingingSayingsofMaoZedongsongsinstead。〃

〃Andwhataboutafterthat？〃Ipersistinasking。Thisisbeingahabit。

〃No…onesingsthoseanymore。Peoplearedoingthedancesagainbutnotmanyoftheyoungpeoplecandothem；I’mteachingthedancestosomeofthem。〃

Iaskhimforademonstration。Withouthesitation；heinstantlygetstohisfeetandproceedstodanceandsing。Hisvoiceislowandrich；he’sgotagoodvoice。I’msurehe’sQiangevenifthepoliceinchargeofthepopulationregisterinsistthatheisn’t。TheythinkanyoneclaimingtobeTibetanorQiangistryingtoevadebirthrestrictionsandhavemorechildren。

Hesingssongaftersong。Hesayshe’safun…lovingperson；Ibelievehim。Whenhefinishedupasvillagehead；hewentbacktobeingoneofthemountainpeople；anoldmountainmanwholikesgoodfun；unfortunatelyheispasttheageforromance。

Healsoknowsincantations；thekindhuntersusewhentheygointothemountains。Theyarecalledmountainblack…magicorhexesandhehasnoqualmsaboutusingthem。Hereallybelievestheycandrivewildanimalsintopitsorgetthemtostepintosnares。Theyaren’tusedonlyonanimals；they’realsousedagainstotherhumansbeingsforrevenge。Avictimofmountainblack…magicwon’tbeabletofindhiswayoutofthemountains。Theyarelikethe〃demonwalls〃Iheardaboutasachild：whensomeonehasbeentravellingforsometimeatnightinthemountains；awall；aclifforadeepriverappearsrightinfrontofhim；sothathecan’tgoanyfurther。Ifthespellisn’tbrokentheperson’sfeetdon’tmoveforwardandevenifhekeepswalking；hestaysexactlywherehestartedoff。Onlyatdaybreakdoeshediscoverthathehasbeengoingaroundincircles。That’snotsobad；theworstiswhenapersonisledintoablind…alley：thatmeansdeath。

Heintonesstringsofincantations。It’snotslowandrelaxedlikewhenheissinging；butjustnan…nan…na…natoaquickbeat。Ican’tunderstanditatallbutIcanfeelthemysticalpullofthewords；ademonicawesomeatmosphereinstantlypermeatestheroom；theinsideofwhichisblackfromsmoke。Theglowoftheflameslickingtheironpotofmuttonstewmakehiseyesglint。Thisisallstarklyreal。

WhileyousearchfortheroutetoLingshan；IwanderalongtheYangtzeRiverlookingforthissortofreality。Ihadjustgohroughacrisisandthen；ontopofthat；adoctorwronglydiagnosedmewithlungcancer。DeathwasplayingajokeonmebutnowthatI’veescapedthedemonwall；Iamsecretlyrejoicing。Lifeformeonceagainhasawonderfulfreshness。Ishouldhaveleftthosecontaminatedsurroundingslongagoandreturnedtonaturetolookforthisauthenticlife。

InthosecontaminatedsurroundingsIwastaughtthatlifewasthesourceofliterature；thatliteraturehadtobefaithfultolife；faithfultoreallife。MymistakewasthatIhadalienatedmyselffromlifeandendedupturningmybackonreallife。However；reallifeisnotthesameasmanifestationsoflife。Reallife；orinotherwordsthebasicsubstanceoflife；shouldbetheformerandnotthelatter。IhadgoneagainstreallifebecauseIwassimplystringingtogetherlife’smanifestations；soofcourseIwasn’tabletoaccurat